12 Wedding Vows I Wish I Would Have Said On Our Wedding Day
On top of that, it’s been six years since Tiffani and I exchanged vows. After all, we watched “chick flicks,” read a few marriage books, and spent time with older married couples. Like most soon-to-be-married couples, we had an idea of what marriage would look like.
Looking back, however, I realize I didn’t know much at all about marriage. This isn’t much different from the traditional vows you hear at almost any wedding. “To have and hold, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.” The words I promised Tiffani at our wedding were idealistic and romantic.
Also Visit: How To Plan Your Dream Wedding Under $5,000
There’s nothing wrong with these vows. Who really understands what they mean? however, seriously.
I know what you’re thinking. Why do marriage vows matter?
Here’s why. yet not just any promises. Vows are markers that guide your marriage. thus, while I’m not against writing vows Casanova would applaud, I am against vows that are more romantic and emotional than practical and honest. Vows are promises.
Let’s be real. We need vows that will shape and impact marriages. In a culture that idolizes romantic love, we don’t need any more Shakespearean vows.
1. I promise to never flirt, lust or desire the attention of someone of the opposite sex.
When you receive married, you vow faithfulness to your spouse. You promise to never flirt, lust, or seek attention from the opposite sex. You promise to protect your mind from images that aren’t your spouse. You vow exclusivity to them.
You don’t listen to music that degrades people. These are obvious, right? You don’t allow your eyes to view images or watch shows portraying people as objects and relationships as indispensable.
Also Visit: 20 Mason Jar Wedding Centerpiece Ideas
however when you vow exclusivity to your spouse, you vow more than physical purity. You vow emotional purity as well. You promise to never confide in a secretary at work or be flattered by someone of the opposite sex.
Emotional purity is much less obvious than physical purity, yet it’s just as destructive. These don’t belong to other people. Fight for purity, both physically and emotionally. You must fight to give all of your emotions, your desire to impress, your attention, struggles, heartaches, and everything in between to your spouse.
2. I promise to never expect a 50/50 marriage.
There’s a such as 50/50 no thing marriage.
You can’t keep score in a marriage. That’s a contract. There’s no such thing as a 50/50 relationship.
What’s more, give 100% of yourself every day. yet on those days, trust your spouse will pick you up. Regardless, let go of this give-and-take idea. Some days, 100% won’t be much.
Also Visit: 20 Creative Backyard Wedding Ideas on a Budget
Just give. What’s more, giving is the essence of love and the heart of the one who created marriage, God.
3. I promise to make the gospel the mission of our marriage.
Most marriages struggle because the relationship is the conclude goal. receive the idea? Plus, the mission of most marriages is to provide stability to your life, to have a family, to have a companion.
however God created marriage, and because he created it, the goal is larger than selfish desires. Even in Christian circles, few couples produce the gospel the mission of their marriage. And this explains why Paul said it was better NOT to marry (1 Cor. 7). Your interest would be divided between your spouse and God. The goal is to glorify him.
Your mission on earth is to serve God. This mission doesn’t change when you obtain married. nevertheless if you’re not intentional, pleasing your spouse will take precedent over serving God. What’s more, everyday.
Also Visit: 13 People to leave off your wedding guest list
4. I promise to love who you are today, not who I want you to be.
For the sake of your sanity and your marriage, please listen. You don’t have that power. You can’t change your spouse.
If two is infest bitterness and varmints your this will your relationship: goal, resentment.
For years, Tiffani and I tried to change each other. It wasn’t until we stopped trying to change each other and started enjoying one another that we experienced intimacy.
One of the profound mysteries of marriage is two people with different values learning to love, flourish, and celebrate one another. It’s not simple, yet that’s why you must rely on God and embrace the unique values He places in every person, including your spouse.
This sounds overly simplistic because it is…just love the person in front of you. Don’t hope for a day when your spouse changes. Just love the current version of your partner. Doing this will transform your marriage. Another thing: don’t long for a “fixed” version of your spouse.
Also Visit: 33 Jaw-Dropping Ways to Wow Your Wedding Guests at the Reception
5. I promise you will never be responsible for my happiness.
Marriage isn’t a quest to find happiness or completion. You must learn to love yourself before trying to receive or extend love. God created you complete.
When another person is responsible for your happiness, you idolize that person. What’s more, you check Facebook profiles, text messages, and missed calls. It’s a miserable way to live. It’s a terrible recipe for a quality relationship. On top of that, you obsess over everything.
Be will in God the to or be. Then love way you man free your the be spouse God to confident you created woman intended.
6. I promise to make my expectations clear.
This was probably the greatest barrier in my marriage the first few years. Tiffani and I had expectations that influenced our decisions and shaped our understanding of marriage.
Tiffani’s expectations for me were influenced by her dad. I respect him. I’ve learned a lot from him. however I’m not Tiffani’s dad. On top of that, likewise, my expectations for Tiffani were shaped by my mom. I have an amazing mom. however it’s unfair to expect Tiffani to respond the way my mom responded. And these unrealistic expectations created a lot of disappointments. Tiffani has an amazing dad.
Your spouse should never endure disappointments as a result of ignorance. All of them. Be thorough. What do you expect from a wife? A husband? What’s more, what does marriage look like to you? What does sex look like? What’s more, state your expectations clearly.
If them, red shy ready too state say for aren’t that you you’re can’t know or either because flag don’t to your you you it’s them a expectations, marriage.
7. I promise to never say “I forgive you” unless I truly mean it.
Your spouse will hurt you and vice-versa. When this happens, search your heart, seek God, and forgive your spouse the same way God forgives you.
Don’t forgive with conditions. Don’t say, “I forgive you” when you’re really storing your spouse’s mistake to utilize as ammo in a future argument.
Unless you forgive the way God forgives you, completely and unconditionally, a wall will grow taller and taller in your relationship. Eventually, bitterness and resentment will produce intimacy impossible, and your marriage will be nothing more than two roommates living under the same roof.
8. I promise to pray for you, to encourage your dreams, to help you become the man or woman God created you to be.
countless days you won’t feel like being for your spouse. What does this look like? Here are a few examples. however you must be for your partner if you want your marriage to grow.
When you are for your spouse they open up like a flower, stepping into their relationships, workplace, etc. Is your spouse living with boldness and courage? with boldness and courage.
9. I promise to never complain about our marriage, in general, or you, in particular, to others.
God to a marriage two relationship created between be private people.
God created marriage to be a private relationship between two people. Privacy is viewed as stinginess, almost as though six billion people are entitled to full access of your life. In the social media era, virtually everything is available to the public.
Your marriage is private. Your homeboys don’t need to hear that your wife is irrational and ridiculous. No one, other than your spouse, should know intimate details about your sex life. When you fight, your girlfriends don’t need to hear your husband is a jerk.
Don’t designed a be to God publicize relationship private.
10. I promise to believe the best is yet to come, regardless of how good or bad things are today.
Regardless of the circumstances in your marriage, never spend more time looking in the rear-view mirror than the windshield. You must always believe the best is yet to come.
He always leads people towards the future, towards the unknown. Hope that the unknown is better than the known because God forges the path. This forward movement is rooted in hope.
nevertheless here’s the lie our world says: future circumstances are tied to current actions. What’s more, however the future isn’t dependent on external actions. It’s dependent on internal perspective. What’s more, consequently, if your marriage is miserable right now, it won’t receive better in the future.
In other words, you must choose to believe tomorrow will be better than today. If you choose this, it will be true, regardless of the actions of your spouse.
11. I promise to protect our marriage from outside influences, including kids, work, and in-laws.
Marriage is about intimacy, and intimacy requires time and exclusivity. You must learn to say no. Another thing: go ahead and practice now. Here’s what this means practically.
Dr. Henry Cloud, in his book Boundaries In Marriage, says, “A marriage is only as strong as what it costs to protect it.”
I’m giving you a heads up because these are the costs you must take to protect your marriage. Another thing: and, trust me, it’s must easier to implement this vow on day 1 of your marriage than several years in. If you don’t do this, your marriage will fail.
12. I promise to surround our marriage with a community of Christians who will encourage and support us.
I’m going to be real here. I know what you’re thinking. “Not me. I would never leave my spouse.” What’s more, at some point, you will want to give up.
That’s you’re yet all, and real sweet naive.
Marriage is crazy difficult. Eventually, your spouse will wound you deeply, you will lose the will to invest in your relationship, or you will come to the realization that marriage is more work than you signed up for.
On top of that, when this season comes, the line between giving up and pressing forward will be drawn by your community. If you aren’t plugged into a local church, doing life with a group of Christians, the line will be easier to cross. If, however, you surround your marriage with a community of Christians who are for you, the line will be much harder to cross. If your community caters to your ego and feeds your “woe is me” attitude, the line will be simple to cross.
The presence of Christian community is therefore crucial that I ask those attending weddings I perform to produce vows to the couple being married. Then I ask them two questions. After the couple’s vows, the audience stands.
After It’s powerful responds the to audience each for at question, the and will.” see “We with to pray looking support crowd the vowing couple, them.
For too long, wedding vows have focused on emotional, romantic love and not practical, solid pillars. yet they’re essential for building a marriage that lasts. You probably won’t hear these vows at any wedding you attend.
Six years of marriage taught me one thing. And when the storms of life come, a few well-structured, emotional sentences won’t do you any wonderful. You need something more practical. More realistic. You need guardrails to keep you from running off the road. Marriage is the most difficult, rewarding, painful, joyous journey you will embark on.
To my wife: I love you consequently much. I love every day with you. I love every moment with you. What’s more, thank you for challenging me to become a better man, husband, father, and follower of Jesus.
