Open Letter to My Son On His Wedding Day

Dear Son, As I write this letter to you on your wedding day, my heart is filled with overwhelming emotions. I am filled with joy as I see you start this new chapter in your life, finding love and building a future with your partner. I am proud of the person you have become and the choices you have made. Today is a special day not just for you, but for our family as well. I am excited to witness your journey as a husband and see the love and happiness that you will create together. Remember that I will always be here to support you and guide you, no matter what challenges come your way. Congratulations, my dear son. With all my love, Your Parent

I’m wondering what to say to my son at his wedding. Recently, both my sons have become engaged, and I have mixed feelings about it.

As a marriage therapist with extensive experience, I have had the opportunity to witness firsthand the issues that commonly arise in marriages.

Last year, I penned a heartfelt letter to my future daughter-in-law, reflecting on the many changes in my sons’ lives. One is now pursuing higher education, while the other has recently started a new job.

By committing to their future wives, my sons have now become like daughters to me. While I still have regular conversations with my sons and our bond remains strong, they are starting to drift away as they merge with their fiancées and embrace a new family dynamic.

I’ve been pondering the words I want to share with them as they prepare to start their lives together. What words of blessing can I offer for their upcoming marriage? Here is the message I plan to share with my sons on their wedding day:

You’re getting married tomorrow, a decision that will greatly impact your happiness. Choosing the right spouse is crucial as a strong marriage can make you feel invincible.

Life becomes significantly more challenging and almost unbearable when your partner is not supportive.

There are many ways to maintain a strong marriage. Life has its fair share of happiness and love, but it also comes with difficulties, hardships, and obstacles. It is important to lean on each other during tough times. While this may seem like a simple concept now, it can be much more challenging when faced with actual adversity.

Prioritize Time Together

It’s important to prioritize spending time together. Make it a daily habit to check in with each other about how your day went. Schedule weekly dates to spend quality time together, especially when things get hectic. And don’t forget to plan at least one vacation each year to escape the daily grind. These activities help strengthen your bond and remind you of the reasons you chose to be together. Remember, it’s during the busiest times that these rituals are most crucial.

Communicate

I see that you both put effort into communicating and resolving issues as a team. It’s important to continue with this. Both of you have unique perspectives and priorities. Having a monthly meeting to discuss your relationship, what’s going well and what needs improvement, can be a helpful routine to maintain.

When you’re in your 20s, what keeps a relationship strong might not be the same when you’re in your 40s. It’s easy for couples to overlook the fact that even though daily life may seem consistent, many aspects of a relationship will evolve over the years.

If you feel like you’re not making progress in a difficult situation, try saying, “Let me make sure I understand correctly.” Many times, when couples argue, one person’s message is misunderstood by the other. Using this straightforward approach can greatly improve communication.

When a topic is hard to discuss, it becomes even more crucial to address it openly. It’s not safe to assume that what’s working for you is also working for the other person.

Marriage is not 50-50

This idea is truly absurd. In order for a marriage to succeed, both partners must commit fully. When resolving conflicts, each person should give 80% effort, as if both only give 50%, they will barely compromise. It is common for us to think we are giving more and the other person is giving less.

I promised you when you were little that I would love you forever, and I meant it. Now that your bride is part of our family, I will love her just as much.

Women Need Security

It’s important for women to feel secure, especially financially. It’s great that you recognize this and prioritize having an emergency fund.

Women require emotional security as well. Your spouse should feel reassured that she is important to you and that you support her emotionally.

Sex in Marriage

In my experience as a marriage therapist, I’ve frequently heard husbands express frustration over their wives’ diminishing interest in sex. While various factors can contribute to this issue, two reasons tend to stand out as the most prevalent.

If she has young children, chances are she is feeling drained and worn out from always having a little one by her side. It’s crucial for you to pitch in and support her, especially when the kids need attention. Instead of simply helping out, remember that you are a key figure in your family and should take on a leadership role.

Another reason why women may lose interest in sex is because they may not feel loved. If you’re making an effort to show your wife love and appreciation but you’re unsure of what she wants or needs, just ask her.

Men and women typically experience arousal in different ways. Women tend to have a slower rise in arousal and also take longer to cool down. If a woman is distant or unresponsive towards you, it might be a sign that she is not feeling loved and supported. It would be beneficial to communicate with her and ask what actions or gestures would help her feel more loved and supported.

If you and someone else are having a disagreement or feeling strained in your relationship, make it a top priority to work through and resolve those issues.

It’s important to recognize that women have unique needs in a physical relationship. Take the time to understand and address her needs, rather than making assumptions. By being a thoughtful decision maker, effective communicator, and compassionate partner, you can ensure that both of you are satisfied in your relationship. Trust in your abilities and work together to navigate any challenges that may arise.

Give Generously

Be generous to her without any expectations of receiving back. Many women are inclined to be giving when they feel secure, loved, and encouraged.

Ask for What you Want and Need

If you feel like your needs aren’t being met in the relationship, it’s important to have an open and honest conversation with your partner. While it may be difficult to bring up, it’s much better than letting negative feelings build up inside.

A Community of Support

Just as she relies on her female friends, you also need male friends who value family. I am committed to supporting your marriage in any way I can. I have been praying for both of you for years and will keep praying for your relationship.

I wish for your marriage to bring you an abundance of happiness beyond what you can even envision.

Connected: Lessons I’ve Gained From Raising Teenage Boys As a mother of two teenage sons, I’ve gained a lot of insight into the world of raising adolescent boys. From navigating their emotions and social circles to setting boundaries and fostering independence, the experience has been both challenging and rewarding. Through this journey, I’ve learned valuable lessons that have helped me better understand my sons and strengthen our relationship.